How You Feel In A Relationship

Traditionally in relationships, we focus on what we “want” in the relationship. But sometimes going after what we want, or getting what we want, can distract us from how we’re feeling in the relationship. When we don’t pay attention to or understand how we feel in a relationship, it can be difficult to assess the relationship itself. Figuring out how you want to feel in a relationship can help you discover what’s working and what isn’t.

These prompts can help you figure out how you want to feel in a relationship. Be honest with yourself when answering these questions. Feel free to write them down.

How I want to feel in a relationship is ________. 

How I have felt in relationships is ________. 

I was raised to think romantic relationships are ________. 

My greatest hope around relationships is ________. 

My greatest fear around relationships is ________. 

Visualizing feeling how you want to feel

Use your past experiences in relationships, or when you’ve been single, to shape your hopes for the future. For example, if you’ve felt lonely in a relationship, or outside of one, you may hope to feel more connected in the future. Think of ways that you can create a feeling of connectedness in your next relationship, or changes you could make in your current relationship. 

To improve how you feel in a relationship, these questions can help you think about how you might make changes to your current or future relationship:

• Do you need better boundaries? 
• Can you change how you look for a partner?
• Can you voice your needs differently? 
• Can you create more time for connection? 
• Can you be a more attentive partner?
  

Getting from where you are to where you want to be usually involves a series of small steps. Figuring out how you want to feel can guide how you set your goals to get there. 

Are you a Ginger member? For the full activity card, visit the Ginger app, go to the “self-care” tab, and search for this title under the “Relationships” section.